I see you looking

Posted by blutruth on October 3, 2021 in Blogging |

I realized last night that “they” are probably reading my post. . . . . and wondering why is it that i can post my feelings, emotions, and thoughts on my blog and not openly tell them what is on my mind. Well the fact of the matter is, when i write in my blog, I don’t get immediate judgement.

They say they don’t don’t judge me, but their words, their actions, their after-actions, their after words, the way they treat me, the way they act towards me, is all different. I notice the small changes in how people act towards me. but in my blog, i can say what is on my mind and no one is going to judge me, except the readers, but i don’t have to worry about the readers. they only get what i put out there.

so i write my feelings, i can say what’s on my mind without someone automatically wondering what is wrong with me.

I look at my viewer stats, i see where my viewers come from, what city and state. At first i was looking for where they were, but then it dawned on me that they were using a VPN, which means that they are probably listed in their home area. I’ve been seeing a lot of their home area in my stats. That was eye opening last night when i was posting my latest blog. I guess because i’m not posting on social media, this is the next best thing to keeping up with what’s going on in my mind.

If you’re reading my thoughts, i’m surprised that one hasn’t said a word about what they may or may not have read to me yet. like they are waiting for just the right moment to bring it up to blow it up and be like, well you said this in your blog, or just mention something and hope that i catch on that it was something i wrote. well i typically don’t remember shit that i write, once the thoughts leave my mind and get down onto paper/the web, i’m done with them. the words are out of my head and i’m through with them. they no longer live rent free in my head.

i evict my thoughts once i start writing, it’s the only way for me have a life that isn’t constantly bludgeoned by thoughts that weigh me down.

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