About blutruth

  • Website: http://www.bois4bois.com
  • Email: email
  • Biography: A random sarcastic a-hole. But still fun loving and wonderful. I have my moments where I spaz out, but who doesn't. This is a general fall spot for my late night ramblings about life in general.

Posts by blutruth:

Open letter.. . . . .

Posted by blutruth on November 8, 2021 in Blogging |

First there is no response needed, just read and understand what I’m about to say.

I feel like you are trying to push your agenda for what you want my life to be onto me. While I appreciate that you have this positive outlook on life and are very optimistic about my life. While I was optimistic at one point, you helped me to quickly realize that what I envisioned to be happiness was only just a dream and a fantasy and that I should be realistic about it. Now thinking about it, and the past 20 years, it’s like this is truly my destiny. I meet whom I think is the great one, then they decide that they can’t be with me or things fall apart. Much less or I’m interested and they aren’t at all. Destiny that I’m supposed to be alone.

Please stop trying to interject yourself and your wishes into my personal life. I can’t make or find associates so you feel like you have to find them for me. Or find someone that you feel will like me, that also likes you so we can all hang out, that doesn’t know our full history. That doesn’t know just how heart broken over you I was. That doesn’t know that you are the reason I don’t want to date ever again. B/c if they did, they wouldn’t want to be entangled in this friendship b/c they are only getting one side of the story.

I really want this friendship to work, but in order for that to be, you need to respect these wishes of mine and take a step back when it comes to me and my thoughts on my life. Stop trying to be the fix it all cure. If I wanted you to fix my problems, I’d ask you to do that. If I wanted you to find me new acquaintances I’d ask you to do that.

Did you ever think there was a reason why I’m isolating myself from the world right now? That I’m working on me. That I’m not ready for letting people in to my life. That I’m not mentally stable for new people? That I’m probably going through something and I haven’t told you b/c you’ll want to fix it and I don’t want you to fix it. That I’m just here right now with a fake ass smile every day and I’m still going through depression but I’m faking it til I make it. That the worst time of the year is coming up for me and it’s only going to get worse for me.

There is a method to my madness, and you just go about your ways without ever fully paying attention to me. You see things in your own eyes. Never from my POV, but from the way that benefits you with no regard to how it effects me in any way. It’s a lot of you, you, you…but never the thought of us really. This friendship….this throuple friendship….did you really think it through? Or were you firstly thinking about how happy it would make you to have a buffer between us. So you jumped on the idea, without ever really thinking …does Chelle really want someone new in her life? Is there a reason why she has pulled away from the public? Is this really a good idea? Should I maybe talk to her first before I mention her to this person and get their hopes up b/c she may not be even feeling it? Does she even have thoughts about meeting people? Does she want to have a third travel partner? Does this really seem like a good idea? I’ve know her for a year now, what is her reaction truly going to be?

I bet none of that crossed your mind, just oh this is a great idea b/c I’ll get a new traveling buddy and Chelle will be there as well so I’ll be happy.

I’m tired of having to explain that my life isn’t for fixing. It isn’t broken. This is just my life.

Dream 001

Posted by blutruth on October 12, 2021 in Blogging |

I’m in my Optima on my way to work somewhere. Chilling listening to Missy Elliot’s DripDemeanor track on repeat. I’m flowing with traffic. In the far right lane. It’s my first day I think. I’m pulling up to a light and a gas station. I notice the cars in front of me slowing down I […]

Songs in A-Minor

Posted by blutruth on October 7, 2021 in Blogging |

How to have a whole relationship in songs. From loving a person to hating a person to detesting a person to having hope. I may not have put these in the right order. “Wishful Drinking” Maybe I’m just wishful drinkingGive my heart something to sink inBetter make it two, nothing I won’t doFor another round […]

You made a fool of me

Posted by blutruth on October 7, 2021 in Blogging |

After things went south, this is how I felt about them. I felt like I truly loved them, and they were only pretending to love me. Then more time passes and we talked more and hung out more and I realized that they did love me, or maybe they were being manipulative. But I do […]

Actions speak louder

Posted by blutruth on October 4, 2021 in Blogging |

The old saying “Actions speak louder than words” is a good phrase to live by. I wholeheartedly uphold people to that phrase. I always tell people…that their actions are what i hold them accountable for. Words mean nothing to me, but actions mean everything. Probably why my love language is acts of service and not […]

A thin red line . . . . .

Posted by blutruth on October 3, 2021 in Blogging |

They say it’s a thin line between love and hate. Well it appears in the case of my love life, it’s an even thinner line between love and the single life. My last attempt at a relationship truly scarred me on even trying to date ever again. I don’t think the person knows or fails […]

I see you looking

Posted by blutruth on October 3, 2021 in Blogging |

I realized last night that “they” are probably reading my post. . . . . and wondering why is it that i can post my feelings, emotions, and thoughts on my blog and not openly tell them what is on my mind. Well the fact of the matter is, when i write in my blog, […]

Support …what’s that mean?

Posted by blutruth on September 29, 2021 in Blogging |

So the other day i was chilling at home and minding my own business. When my therapy animal…my baby..my child…had a seizure. I about lost my mind. So after taking care of him, I contacted my best friend of course and let her know what was happening. She knows and understands that Tobie is my […]

Are you missing me

Posted by blutruth on September 26, 2021 in Blogging |

Since my last posting, I did exactly as I said I was going to do and I have left them to their vices. I have maintained my distance since that is what seemed appropriate for the current situation. I mean, given everything that was going on, it seemed like maybe I was over reacting, or […]

Friends . . . . . where are the lines drawn??

Posted by blutruth on September 23, 2021 in Blogging |

My good friends (the people i actually consider friends and not just associates or acquaintances) know that I suffer from bipolar disorder. Well I guess you readers do too now huh? Anyhow, my friends typically have known me for years. So they know I go through a process when I’m in crisis. My process is […]

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