When life knocks you down…

When you think things are getting better….you take 1 step forward, but then life and reality slap the fuck out of you and knock you back 5.

Here’s my story … 

So if you’ve been following my blog, you know that on May 12th I had a series of surgeries. The main one being a tonsillectomy. It was urgently needed, bc my tonsils decided to be butt buddies in my mouth, while harboring some creatures that caused my already infected sinuses to not want to drain not even the slightest bit.

Then on top of that…they constantly wanted to fuck, but my body’s need for oxygen apparently kept ruining the damn party. **shrug** go figure right. So anyhow…these two can’t keep their hands off one another, so insert the CPAP police. Now he’s full of hot ass air, constantly blowing to keep these two apart, especially while i’m sleeping. I mean…it’s like their fucking teenagers in heat (except that they are in their 30’s, and still jacking like rabbits!!).

End result…I should have evicted them early in life, but i had “parents” (and that term is used very, very, very loosely that 1. didn’t give a fuck about their spawn enough to want to really care, 2. just didn’t care, 3. spent more time on deployments (always volunteering for more), 4. lived at the bingo hall…..i could go on…but they were a waste of time, energy, and space. Basically useless beings, that barely kept a roof over my head.

So since no one really cared much about our well-being (meaning my sister and those other two nutjobs I grew up with), we weren’t in the best health. Although…i will say…the local MP’s did care enough to learn our names, so whenever they were called…we’d see friendly known faces….but that’s a story for another time.

So onto the matter at hand…i get another doctor, i get what had to be my 3rd sinus infection in the few short months I had been there. And well my PA is concerned. So she brings in the Dr to look at me after getting what most likely was my 50th CT scan of my sinuses. He takes one look and says…well your polyps are back, they need to be removed. PA speaks up…look at her tonsils….he looks….HOLY FUCKING HELL … yeah not those words, but the expression on his face said it. He jokingly said you should have had those out A VERY LONG TIME AGO…i tell him i had shit for parents, and well long story short…they are still cohabitating in my mouth. Surgery is scheduled and I go in and get it done.

Now fast forward 5 days post op…I’m driving like a maniac to the office because the searing burning pain is more than i can bear. I don’t care that i’m doped up on Oxy, and everything else they gave me, but i needed relief. He’s not in, but my PA is in. She prescribes another antibiotic…i go home, take the pills, gargle with ice water, take more oxy, drink chicken broth (because I literally haven’t eaten a single fucking thing at this point), and make note that i have now lost like 15 pounds…then i collapsed into my queen sized bed and pass out. Well at least for an hour or two until the peeling scabs get stuck (or as i found out later…not the scabs) and i violently jerk awake hacking my lungs up. I can’t figure out why i’m drooling. But then again…my tongue feels like it’s on fire, and someone stuck a few needles in the back  to hold it down during surgery and forgot to take them out.  So i’ve got a swollen tongue, and apparently thrush.  Which in layman’s term is a yeast infection in my mouth…what joy!!! Now my tongue is coated in crap, my throat burns, my head is spinning, the meds they prescribe keep getting rejected b/c there’s no “generic” brand, and well my insurance doesn’t wanna pony up … neither do i .. and i’m basically laying down wishing for death!! I honestly felt like i should probably be admitted and have a feeding tube shoved down my throat.

So fast forward to Monday….my scheduled followup with my surgeon. First, he was late (it had been some traffic pushed him back), which pushed all his cases back. So i’m irked…but doing better since the new round of ABs, my throat wasn’t burning as severely, and i had managed to get in some velveeta shells and cheese (the individual bowls cause they have very tiny shells). I added more water to them, so they were able to slide down my throat…not really food, but it was something. I get in, and the PA checks in on me, she says it’s all good. I’m feeling good. NO spit cup…but then as soon as my brain said that..i needed to find one. I’m drinking more water, but it still burns. It’s like an STD that won’t DIE!! He comes in and takes a look…sinuses look GREAT…getting plenty of air in, no signs of swelling, but he said they are gonna have to keep a close look at me b/c of my fungal allergies. *shrug* go figure.

Then I start coughing…he ask how long i’ve been coughing. I tell him since the surgery. He says it sounds like pneumonia. All I can think at that point is fucking hell…dude you can’t be serious right…my old boss from SC just suffered through a bout with it, and well she was in the icu for 2 months, then rehab for a month and change. Her lungs are totally fucked, I don’t need that.  He says ‘we’re gonna watch it” so then, what meds are you still on he ask. I tell him the stuff the PA gave me, and the oxy when needed, but mostly liquid Tylenol. I haven’t been on any of my regular meds, bc well you guessed it…i can barely swallow. So those huge pills are like…nope not today, no way, no how.

Then he takes the flexible scope, goes up my nose, and down my throat (i’m watching all of this on the monitor, which was soooo fucking cool, i should have recorded it, but i was too busy trying not to choke) and looks at my vocal cords.

Oh he says…well there’s the problem right there…these (pointing at my vocal cords) they’re inflamed. They are supposed to be this color (kinda whitish) and not this bright red. I nod my head as the scope is still in, but he’s pulling it out as he’s pointing to the student intern in the room on the monitor with his other hand. Then “this right here…this muscle is what opens your esophagus when you eat and closes your windpipe to your lungs…well it’s not supposed to be that red either…it’s also inflamed. Looks like you’re having major acid reflux.  I tell him, I do have GERD … he says…oh when is the last time you took your meds…the day before my surgery…oh well yeah..the acid has eaten the lining of that muscle so now it’s infected. So he says…let’s get you back on the other AB’s…i say well i looked up the drug interaction between the two and it wasn’t good. He says…we are gonna have to chance it, you’re allergic to most everything else and we don’t have a choice. I groan, then spit in my cup.

He orders the scripts, we talk for a bit about my referral to the sleep clinic across the street, and then i head out. His staff is all jolly, meanwhile, i’m pissed cause i’m told i may have pneumonia, another infection (my 3rd) and two inflamed body parts, plus i can only eat mac and cheese….what a great way to start the week right??

I get my allergy shot, and head north a few miles to see my godson. Cause he can make bad days good. Spend some time with him, chill with his mom and grandma, then before long i’m starting to hack again, so i bid them farewell and i tell myself, i’m going to get some fries from mcdonald’s if it kills me…it almost killed me. There is no amount of chewing that can force them down a swollen throat that’s inflamed and infected. So i get to the pharmacy and go to pick up my scripts…well one was a quick melting pill (just melts on my tongue), the pharmacist tells me …did you talk to your doctor’s office…i say no why…she says..well the pill isn’t covered by your insurance and it’s only made in a name brand. We didn’t fill it because without insurance its $500.00.

I literally choke myself into a coughing fit. The technician backed away slowly from the counter, in case i lost all air and slammed my head down on it. When i finally got my breath back, i said yeah..fuck that..just give me the other liquid stuff and i’ll be on my way. I might be able to manage with the pill i have because it is small.

Get home, chug all new meds, and old meds, try to eat some mac n cheese…doesn’t taste the same, so i say fuck it and climb into my bed. yawning hurts like fuck, so i’m just laying there staring at the ceiling.

Why do these things happen to me?? Why can’t my health just cooperate for once in my life?? I got my goddad texting me and saying…i know you can’t talk but your fingers aren’t broken…(this is big from a man who’s in his 70’s), i chuckle, but then it hurts so i stop. I roll over and say, well we got a lot to try in the am.

—- fast forward to this morning…i get up and it takes me … no lie…4 minutes to swallow a pill that might be half the size of my pinky fingernail. I tried water, some of the AB’s, gatorade, finally i just had to shove my finger down there and open up something and make it go in. Didn’t burn as much…but i did gag. So far today..hasn’t had much reflux (least, not as much drool). Was able to go to my therapy appt, draw some for my therapist, wear my mask, and then come home. I’ve been sitting here, cleaning house, watching tv, sipping tea, chicken broth, and i was able to have some broccoli cheddar soup today!!! I’m moving up…but I really want a damn hamburger from cookout. I know I’m going to have to go slow when I can eat because it’s been just short of two weeks…but damn i’m hungry.

Sidenote….i’m down to 205 now. I was 226 when i started…so yeah *shrug sarcastically*