It’s Sunday May 21, 2017.
Already, i’ve been through a whirlwind of emotions.
So let’s talk about them….
- Anger
- I woke up coughing like I have for the last 10 days. The hurt of my throat as these scabs fall off at night while i’m sleeping. Like why can’t they fall off during the day and just let me cough them up, instead of getting stuck in my throat each night, forcing me to gasp awake (b/c i can’t even wear my CPAP due to the dry throat i’d get). I don’t want this to continue, but I know that it must. I will say that it looks so much better inside compared to what it did the first few days. But its better, so i guess i should be happy.
- Peacefulness
- I got a message on IG, as I’m slowly trying to take my time to get back on social media. Still not ready for fb yet, so it’ll stay deactivated for now. But the message was from one of my Soror’s, checking in on me making sure that i was feeling better. It felt good to see that as I woke up.
- Happiness
- Today is the day that my nephew graduates from college. It’s been a long time coming.
- Pissed
- My LS hasn’t called me once since my surgery. Yeah I feel some type of way. Not a text, nothing. Just like…really…did we not celebrate our 7 year Zetaversary a couple weeks ago?? I could be dead, under the weather…whatever. If i was healthy..i would have made it a point to get down there and see her. She moved back home, she’s barely 2 hours away. Phone calls are quick just to say…hey sis..how you doing?? Nothing.
- Crying
- I started watching the live feed of his graduation. I started to cry bc i couldn’t be there. I wanted to be there so bad. I missed his high school graduation, and again i’ve missed his college graduation. But like before, I’m watching it via live feed. Damn much needed surgery and being on house arrest pretty damn much!!
- Elated
- That my boy is a graduate!!! He did it!! They tried to hold him back, but he’s still made it!!
- Frustrated
- So i have another fb page, that i use to vent my frustrations…and to goof off, with no one who knows me personally. (well only a few people…since i’m very selective about who i reveal my true identity to. So i got on it this am, and saw that someone had posted a status about how she saw a trans person, but then didn’t know she was trans because she had a deep voice, but still had tits. So during the course of the status she called this person an “IT”. I was like…are you serious…you don’t call someone IT and still say in the same breath that you were being respectful.
- I keep getting told…Why should you care…it doesn’t effect you. But it does. It may not be directly, but if i don’t step up and defend those who cant even defend themselves, who will? It’s just like when someone talks about butch lesbians in sororities. For those who were still swimming around in their daddy’s nutsacks when i came out..if it wasn’t for me and my peers…trust it wouldn’t be so easy for you to just brush this shit off. Just like if those before us hadn’t caught for the right to do the things we do so freely today…vote, go to school, just plain ole exist without slavery…what if those folks would have just said fuck it. We’d all still be picking cotton, barely being able to read. We’d never have the freedoms we have now. If someone hadn’t stepped up and said enough is enough with these crooked ass cops killing black folks for no reason…we’d have a lot more dead black folks out here. But someone took it up to say something…So Black Lives Matter was started.
- I swear this younger generation of folks has be completely bewildered at their lack of interest in the bigger picture. If you don’t know my struggle and could never fit my shoes…don’t even. When you yourself don’t live this life 24/7, you have no right to speak. If you can pass for a straight woman, and have never had people judge you for your looks alone…don’t talk to me.
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- Freedom
- Yesterday I rode my motorcycle for a brief ride to run a quick errand. It didn’t get finished..only one part, then i needed to get home. My hacking started as soon as i arrived and closed the garage door. Here’s video…but no i don’t own the rights to the music…it’s just replacing the background noise of the road. I haven’t gotten my mic set yet for my GoPro. Wind is a beast when recording
So i’ve watched the graduation…it’s over, my boy is now a college graduate. I’m so proud of him. Now a few photos to make my day seem a bit better. I need to get up and clean house, somewhat before I wear myself out. I already need a nap.
