Okay so i’ve decided that i’m not going to be the good friend anymore. I’m sick and tired of sitting back and telling people “i told you so”.
Fa real.. do not ask me for advice. do not ask me to console you when you get your friggin heart broke.
i’ve sat back and watched many people over the last two years of my life being single do the same things i used to do. jump in and out of one relationship to the next. then to only have them end in fire blazing flames then they get caught up crying, depressed, whatever, but yet to go back to the same ole’ shyt time and time again.
if i lose a friend or two … right now i really don’t give a shyt. i just know that you could do better!!!
in the last two years, i’ve learned a lot about myself. i’ve learned that i have some health issues, that i really don’t need someone in my life to make it complete, that i can do shyt on my own and not have to depend on anyone for anything. sure it got lonely at times, but i took that lonely alone time and made something with it. i was able to do the things I WANTED to do. i had no one to answer too!!! i took in a kitten, loved him and he loves me back (when he wants too). i started to love me for me. i didn’t let anyone get in my way of anything. when i felt it was time for me to jump back out on the dating block i took my time. sure i ran into a couple of brick walls, a few feet from a steep cliff, but you know what, i realized what was in front of me, and it wasn’t happiness. it was only a step towards disappointment.
i’ve watch others take that plunge off the cliff, to fall head over heels in love, then a month later be sad, depressed, and single … then a month or so later.. are back in love again. when i think back to when i used to do that, i realized i was seeking out others to make my life whole. but i learned that the only person who could make myself whole was me. so i worked on putting in the steps to make me whole.
but i’m wondering what can i say to make people take a good strong hard self-induced look in the mirror to see that they are better than what they are putting themselves through? does it take me knocking me them out? Should i write them a letter? should i rip their eyelids out so they can’t pull the wool over their eyes any longer?? or do i just stand back and watch them make a fool of themselves repeatedly!! I’m stuck in a rock and a hard place, because on one hand i want to do right and i want to see them happy. but if all i see is their so-called “happiness” is doing nothing but bringing them pain and hurt .. how can i get them to see it too?? some say its takes an outside opinion of someone who doesn’t know you very well to get you to see it.
for me that was my therapist. she helped me see that i didn’t need a girl in my life every few months to make me happy. that i needed to focus on Chelle! once i got to the point that i could stop talking about all the bad things that had happened to me, i could move on and just talk about the good. in the last few months, i’ve done nothing but smile because i have nothing to be sad, angry or upset over. i’m excited to wake up every day. can you say that?? do you feel the same way?? or are you just dragging each moment along until something better comes along your way??
this message is not vented towards any certain person. is it based on some people i know … yes it is .. will i mention them .. no because they should know who they are and perhaps will take a look and realize that they can’t seriously be happy with the pain that is constantly surrounding them. am i asking for any negative feed back … no … do i want any feedback … only if its positive. i don’t need negative energy around me. this was a negative energy feeling which is why i wrote it to get it out and away from me.
so from here on out.. don’t ask for my support, my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions on any situation regarding your love life. i will give you only one of two answers … take your time and slow it down to a crawl … and is it worth your tears
that is all!!
