Been a while since I did a real status … So here goes ….
In the last three weeks I’ve been through a range of emotions, some manic, some depressive, some angry and everything in between. I’ve come to learn some things about me that I would like to share.
I’m an introvert. Meaning I’m comfortable being alone in my own skin and in the room. I don’t like people, crowds, or busy places where I have to interact with people. I can do it but I have to work up to it, and I’m usually drained within a short amount of time. I’m like a power-up charge in a game…I have to work up the energy to deal with people. This includes friends (the few I do have), so when my energy is drained from people I must sit and be alone to recharge myself. So if you invite me out and I get quiet, withdrawn, whatever it’s cause my energy is gone!!
I also get social-anxiety…so if you invite me to places and I say yes I will go then I cancel at the last minute…it’s my anxiety of having to deal with people. I won’t be able to build up the energy to deal with people in time to barely enjoy myself. So don’t stop inviting me…I’ll get out soon enough just understand my need for time.
A lot of people think us introverts are shy, stuckup, prissy, whatever….no we are regular people but our outgoing spirits don’t like to be out there. This is a reason why I have so few friends and many associates…most of my associates don’t get/understand the need to be alone. They really don’t know me and really don’t try to get to know me outside of social settings. But if I consider you a friend you do, you can usually sense when I’m going into my shell to recharge and you let me be. Thank you.
I also have a short temper…it may not seem like it but I can cut you with my tongue and eyes. I hold a lot of it in, so people tend to think I’m just evil with the way it seems I treat people. I’m not evil…I’m drained. My mental state requires you to have patience to deal with me. I’m very cautious about my life b/c I know where I want it to go and refuse to not grow. I don’t deal with a lot of bullshyt either. My tolerance level for it is only at 5%-10%. So either get to the point or don’t bother. I’ve cut off many people b/c of this, and it’s a breath of fresh air. But I will never physically fight b/c I’m not built to do that…and I fear what may happen if I really do blow my top.
If you don’t have the patience to deal with me, my mood swings, my anxiety, and my OCD…it’s okay to walk away. No love lost, I promise. But know that I can’t change me. I can’t be more outgoing this is me…and I’ve only gotten worse as I get older. I’m trying but my recharge battery has slowed down and doesn’t charge as fast.
If you made it this far in reading congratulations. Maybe I’ll tell you what else I learned about myself soon. Perhaps a blog post will appear.
