Is it wrong that I really don’t care that Aunt Fee (pictured above .. photo from her FB page) is on life support? (update: She has since passed since I started writing this blog post and has since been buried on April 1. I started this post the day it was reported that she was on life support.)
I mean, when she was first introduced to the world it was b/c she was cooking and cursing up a storm. Don’t get me wrong, but that’s just not how I cook. When I get in the kitchen it’s an art form to be in there and throw spices and what not on the meat that I’m cooking and watch it slowly turn from raw into something edible.
Granted, it’s sad that she is now gone, but I’m not going to shed a tear. She wasn’t my “aunt,” hell…I honestly wouldn’t shed a tear if any of my actual aunts died as I typed this. Some would call me heartless. I just call me …well yeah heartless. I guess I really don’t have emotions…………..on second thought…yes I do. Because if anything ever happened to my godparents, or my close friends..I’d cry and lose my shit. And my sister and her kids, I’d really lose my shit. But anyone else in my family … sperm donor, uterus incubator, brothers, the incubator of my incubator, aunts, uncles, cousins..anyone with genes that match mine at some point……yeah I wouldn’t shed a tear. I’d probably go to the funerals just to be sure that they were indeed dead as a doorknob. Especially my incubator, her incubator, and donor. I’d use the time off work to party to be truthful.
I’d appear to be remorseful for my sisters kids, but deep down inside, I’d probably be laughing and cheering. My wallet would be doing a happy dance, knowing that I’d never have to worry about any of them asking me to “borrow” money again to bail someone out of jail, to pay for parking tickets, or some other ludicrous bullshit thing. Yeah, I’m heartless.
I’d probably go out and spend some money just because. Then I’d take their ashes, b/c I refuse to bury them, and probably use them in my garden. Perhaps even flush them down my toilet, into my septic tank.
Okay enough heartlessness for one morning. Now I have to get ready for work.
