So i haven’t blogged in a while and i guess today is as good as any day to start back right?
So i got a call this am from my fiancee…she says..honey..i went to file my unemployment and they said i’ve exhausted my benefit amounts. so guess what that means…no more funds coming in for her.
I’m thinking…well haven’t you been saving anything? You were boasting that you were getting X amount every month and only half of it was being put towards bills. so what happened to the other half….oooohhhh that’s right you have been spending it on stupid shyt like sending money to your family when they all have jobs. buying shyt for kids that you didn’t birth, and let’s not forget putting a cement patio onto the house when i never asked you to do so, or much less wanted. then when you fucked that up totally you had to spend twice as much if not three times to fix your incredible fuckup.
So now, guess who is going to have to foot the bills for the house and for her apartment in va where her only job prospect after graduation has taken her…that’s right ME. now i have a fairly decent job, decent pay, but the reality is….my check can only stretch so far. You see i now have to pay for my medical insurance, the rent bc i can’t live for free nor can i live out of my truck, and the basic necessities of life…you know … food water, lights, gas, all the things that the body and an apt need to keep running. there’s also the possibility of us getting telework…so i have to keep internet on in the crib…so another bill. that’s it really. outside of my almost maxed out credit cards…that i’ve been trying to pay down since i started working…i’m going broke. and now that i have to pay all those same bills there in my house..that she is still living in b.c otherwise, i’d be paying for three places once she goes off to school.
it just seems like my checks are getting smaller and smaller.
where will i ever find the time to do anything i want? i can’t do much of anything unless its free, cause i can’t afford to do it. she is a sucking my bank account dry. while i know if it had not been for her while i was in school, i would have lost my house, so its why i stay right now. but damn damn damn…she was supposed to be making enough from her nanny job to supplement her income. well…since she never wants to “overcharge people” or wants to “be nice cause i can’t charge them a lot if i know they don’t have it” … i’m sorry but if you can’t afford to pay me decent rates for your ass to go out and party then you don’t need to go out and party…keep your ass at home.
so she wonders why i stress so much over finances…well this is why. because she has no concept of what budgeting is. all she knows is that like clockwork, money appears in her account twice a month. well money appears in my account twice a month…but its money i have worked my ass off to make and is already budgeted to go out to my bill collectors before they start banging down my doors.
i’m so frustrated i want to bang my head through a wall. this is why i don’t want to be around…the life i live shouldn’t have this much stress. i shouldn’t want to slice my throat at the thought of not being able to afford the roof that is keeping me dry. i feel like the life in me is getting sucked out every single day that i wake up.
i’m going to take a nap and pray that when i wake up…this was all a damn dream. cause i really don’t need any more bad news this weekend. first my knee is jacked the fuck up, now this. what else could go wrong?
