Open letter.. . . . .

Posted by blutruth on November 8, 2021 in Blogging |

First there is no response needed, just read and understand what I’m about to say.

I feel like you are trying to push your agenda for what you want my life to be onto me. While I appreciate that you have this positive outlook on life and are very optimistic about my life. While I was optimistic at one point, you helped me to quickly realize that what I envisioned to be happiness was only just a dream and a fantasy and that I should be realistic about it. Now thinking about it, and the past 20 years, it’s like this is truly my destiny. I meet whom I think is the great one, then they decide that they can’t be with me or things fall apart. Much less or I’m interested and they aren’t at all. Destiny that I’m supposed to be alone.

Please stop trying to interject yourself and your wishes into my personal life. I can’t make or find associates so you feel like you have to find them for me. Or find someone that you feel will like me, that also likes you so we can all hang out, that doesn’t know our full history. That doesn’t know just how heart broken over you I was. That doesn’t know that you are the reason I don’t want to date ever again. B/c if they did, they wouldn’t want to be entangled in this friendship b/c they are only getting one side of the story.

I really want this friendship to work, but in order for that to be, you need to respect these wishes of mine and take a step back when it comes to me and my thoughts on my life. Stop trying to be the fix it all cure. If I wanted you to fix my problems, I’d ask you to do that. If I wanted you to find me new acquaintances I’d ask you to do that.

Did you ever think there was a reason why I’m isolating myself from the world right now? That I’m working on me. That I’m not ready for letting people in to my life. That I’m not mentally stable for new people? That I’m probably going through something and I haven’t told you b/c you’ll want to fix it and I don’t want you to fix it. That I’m just here right now with a fake ass smile every day and I’m still going through depression but I’m faking it til I make it. That the worst time of the year is coming up for me and it’s only going to get worse for me.

There is a method to my madness, and you just go about your ways without ever fully paying attention to me. You see things in your own eyes. Never from my POV, but from the way that benefits you with no regard to how it effects me in any way. It’s a lot of you, you, you…but never the thought of us really. This friendship….this throuple friendship….did you really think it through? Or were you firstly thinking about how happy it would make you to have a buffer between us. So you jumped on the idea, without ever really thinking …does Chelle really want someone new in her life? Is there a reason why she has pulled away from the public? Is this really a good idea? Should I maybe talk to her first before I mention her to this person and get their hopes up b/c she may not be even feeling it? Does she even have thoughts about meeting people? Does she want to have a third travel partner? Does this really seem like a good idea? I’ve know her for a year now, what is her reaction truly going to be?

I bet none of that crossed your mind, just oh this is a great idea b/c I’ll get a new traveling buddy and Chelle will be there as well so I’ll be happy.

I’m tired of having to explain that my life isn’t for fixing. It isn’t broken. This is just my life.

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