I lie awake

At night I lie awake sometimes and wonder will I ever be bold enough to have the faith in humanity and will ever start dating again. Like will I ever find individuals to be attractive enough for me to want to be with them. That I’ll decide that I want to take the step further than just being associates or acquaintances and being more. That one day, I’ll allow myself to have feelings again for another person. In some ways, we’ll a lot of ways I think not. I’m just so over giving my all and then getting my heart trampled on.

Feeling like I’ve met the right one to settle down with, then it all turns out to be false hope. So while I’m doing my thinking late at night, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be enough for someone else?

Should I actually start dating again, will they find me to be enough for them to want to stick around? Will they find me attractive in every way? Will they be attracted to me and not just want to only have sex with me? Will they be attracted to my physical appearance? Will they see me as more than an associate? Will they imagine a life with me?

Will they want to build with me? Will they support me in my times of crisis? Will they allow me to be vulnerable with them? Will they be vulnerable with me? Will they let their guard down around me? Will they be willing to commit to be with me? Will they not judge me on my past indiscretions? Will we get along? Can we go places together? Enjoy each other’s company? Take trips? Will they love Tobie as much as I do? Will she wash my locs after a long hard workout? Will she workout with me? Will she watch corny ass movies and tv shows with me?

Lots of questions that I think about. This isn’t even a quarter of what runs through my mind. But it’s safe to say that I’ve got trust issues now.

About blutruth

A random sarcastic a-hole. But still fun loving and wonderful. I have my moments where I spaz out, but who doesn't. This is a general fall spot for my late night ramblings about life in general.
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